Conversations With Fools
by Aiffe
Summary: Sesshoumaru grieves his brother's untimely death. Or, if you prefer pesky old reality, throws a temper tantrum. [Dark comedy, oneshot.]


Disclaimer- None, this counts as a parody. Ugh, fine. Don't sue me, because, um, I am a nice person, and don't mean any harm with my story that promotes your product and makes me no money. Good? Good!

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A/N- The good guys should die more often. It's fun. In other news, I'm still a sick, evil fiend.

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"You were such a fool," Sesshoumaru spat, his upper lip curling in distaste. "You've disgraced our family again, you should be smiling!" He kicked up the freshly disturbed dirt fiercely.

Sesshoumaru glared at the patch of ground a while longer, before kneeling to glare even harder. "I told you this would happen," he said at length. "Well, not so much _told_ as glared meaningfully, and sometimes tried to take your sword or kill you, but dammit, even an idiot child could have figured it out!"

As if on cue, Rin danced by, did a cartwheel, and ran in circles until she got dizzy.

"I knew someday I would dig your grave," he said, his voice gone haggard. Jaken cleared his throat. Sesshoumaru cast a what-have-I-done-to-deserve-this look to no one in particular, and amended his statement. "I knew someday I would _order my minion_ to dig your grave. There, are you happy, you little miscreant? You ruined my speech to my dead brother. Anyway, I supervised, it was probably the hardest part—" Jaken put his wrinkled old hands on his hips and raised an eyebrow Sesshoumaru could _swear_ he hadn't had a moment before. "...or _not_, but it was very traumatic for me," Sesshoumaru ended lamely.

"Rin taught Jaken-sama to be sassy!" the little girl declared, swinging Jaken's makeshift shovel around dangerously.

"Child, do not disturb Sesshoumaru-sama, he is bereaved," Jaken said almost gently, taking the potential weapon away from her.

"What's 'bereaved,' Jaken-sama?"

"Well, it's when you miss someone who's dead," Jaken explained uncomfortably.

Rin observed Sesshoumaru, who gathered a handful of dirt, and let it slip between his fingers, saying, "You were an idiot, and a bad brother, and a bad swordsman, (conveniently forgetting how he lost his arm) and probably even worse when you pleasured your disgusting human woman, and I'm glad you're finally dead," he said with a miserable look on his face.

Rin scrunched up her nose and looked at Jaken. "I don't think he's beaver-that-thing-you-just-said."

Sesshoumaru got up and relieved himself on the grave.

Jaken sighed. "He's just... complex."

Rin blinked in shock.

"Well, you see," Jaken muttered for only Rin to hear, "it's very hard to be Sesshoumaru-sama's brother, because, how can you live up to that? Sesshoumaru-sama must despise his inferior hanyou brother for being less than perfect, but at the same time he cared for him, and wanted him to be a better person. Inuyasha, of course, disappointed him time and time again. It was a vicious cycle, and I'm glad it's over, but still, it is hard on Sesshoumaru-sama."

Sesshoumaru beat the grave with a branch until it snapped. "Jaken," he commanded, "come here and dig this worthless member of my esteemed and superior family up."

"I had a feeling this was coming, but did you have to urinate on it so much?" Jaken asked, his face wrinkling even more.

"What was that?"

"Nothing, milord, it's an honor," squeaked Jaken.

"Is he gonna kick the dead boy some more, because that made Rin feel sick," Rin said worriedly.

"No, Rin," Sesshoumaru said without looking at her, "This Sesshoumaru has decided to grant him life, though he does not deserve it." He fingered Tenseiga anxiously.

"Yay, Sesshoumaru-sama's a good person!" Rin declared joyously.

"Keep your opinions to yourself," Jaken grumbled, holding his nose and digging.

Ignoring him, Rin hugged Sesshoumaru's leg. "Rin wondered why Sesshoumaru-sama didn't just bring him back to life, if he really missed him," Rin said, relieved.

"Foolish girl-child, I'm just sick of yelling at someone who doesn't care," Sesshoumaru said, tightening his fist. "I want him to _suffer_ when I tell him how worthless he is."

Rin pulled away, disillusioned, and walked over to Jaken. "What's a vicious cycle, anyway, Jaken-sama?"

Jaken leaned on his makeshift shovel. "_Anything_ involving Sesshoumaru-sama."

"Hurry up, you lazy toad!" Sesshoumaru called. "The faster you dig, the faster I can yell at him, beat him to death brutally, and we can bury him again and _leave_."

"I. Hate. My. Life," Jaken said through gritted teeth, knowing that the great Sesshoumaru-sama could hardly be satisfied with killing someone like Inuyasha only once. _Really,_ he thought, _Sesshoumaru-sama's esteemed and honorable father was a _fool _to give him that cursed sword._


End file.
